CREATING something new

The struggle to CREATE something new

Since being in this glorious country of South Africa, I’ve tried to nudge myself towards drawing more regularly, not just carting unused chalks and pencils around in my suitcase, which is of no use to anyone.

I’ve been asking myself recently, “So, what’s the problem girl? Why aren’t you drawing every day, like someone who is keen to improve and also values the creative process that brings balance and perspective into daily life?”

…”What’s holding you back?”

And it got me thinking about why any ‘creative act’ seems so hard and why we often shy away from

–       - Having a go at something new

–       - Working at improving a skill

–       - Allowing ourselves to trust our creative instincts

–       - Making time to create, just for the sheer delight of it

…And most of all, being willing to feel the pain and struggle that goes with creative activities and push through to that end place.

Last week I decided to try and capture my raw thoughts and reactions as I tried to draw. So, here it is, it’s not pretty…. it’s just my uncensored notes, as I literally battled to create something now.

 

“I don’t know where to start on this paper.

I don’t know where I’m going….I have no plan…!!

I see what’s in front of me... I see the mountains, but it’s all confusion…I can’t find my brain

I feel like a toddler, knowing that they want to walk, but having no clue how to start

But I start…the marks are ridiculous they make no sense. They are lies compared to what I’m seeing.

I don’t know how to interpret what I’m seeing; I’m out of my depth completely.

It feels uncomfortable.

It feels impossibly hard. My brain says, “You can’t do this” (Loudly)

I make many more marks…they all look ridiculous.

I feel doubt. I fear disappointment and failure. “What if it gives me no pleasure and I end up feeling frustrated and disappointed with my efforts”

“What if I can’t find a way to access my creative, right-brain? I know I can’t do this unless I find my way there…to that mystical, other space inside myself”

I’m living now with chaos on the page – why am I bothering? It’s not working!

I must find a connection with these outrageously, awesome mountains.

I’m searching for the right marks that will tell a story, create a drama and force an emotion in me.

I’m on an adventure to find a million marks that will work together to tell a story.

But I want it to be easy…..I stab at the paper, making unintelligent marks…

“No” I shout, you can’t cheat, there are no short cuts…you must draw from your deep creative brain… you must find your way there.

"Be intelligent, there is no other way”

“Stick with the NOT KNOWING…make every mark intelligent and intense, but also unimportant and lost in the whole”

I want it to be easier than this. I want it to 'just happen' magically on the page. There must be an easier way (but I know there isn’t)

I hear a voice saying…

"Don’t be afraid to create a bit of random madness and mess. 

Feel the flow. 

Let anger be a potent emotion in the struggle. 

Fight with your creation and..

Let yourself escape onto the page”

-JB

“The greatest danger for most of us lies not in setting our aims too high and falling short, but in setting our aims too low

…. A man/woman paints with his brain and not with his hands”

– Michelangelo

House of Hope

View from our Paarl home

This morning I was sitting outside our house in Paarl, drinking tea and silently absorbing the mystical stillness of the S.African autumn (like a warm spring morning in the UK). In the distance strings of whispy clouds were flirting with the audacious mountains; giants that that are not easily 'messed' with. 

I was lost in a plethora of fuggy thoughts - mind darting around like one does when not really fully awake.

Images from internet reports and film footage of the catastrophic earthquake disaster in Nepal strobed across my mind and I wondered what the hell it was like to be there...in Kathmandu or Pokhara...'hell' I guess. 

Then my mind lurched to Tegan, living and working at a primary school in Pokhara. My niece wrote and shared so brilliantly and vividly how terrible the situation was in the city. Pokhara and Kathmandu were about the same distance from the epicentre of the 33 earthquakes. She's been sleeping under a table with a friend by her door for days. And she watched in her state of shock as endless streams of traumatised and wounded people flocked into the already needy city. She told us that dead bodies littered the streets and there was no system for burning-burials or a process for bringing dignity to the end of these precious lives. 

My heart did summersaults of anguish.

....and then my head veered off and started thinking about our time in one of the Townships this week. Lennox, our head of EL here in S.Africa took us to visit a woman he had recently heard about who was looking after abandoned children. We went to visit Wendy who runs The House of Hope. Singlehandedly she set up and continues to run a home for children who have either been abandoned or have sort refuge with her. 

Wendy has taken 9 boys into her care and she also looks after her deaf and dumb teenage daughter. Every evening she finds a way to feed 67 children who flock to her home from the surrounding streets for something to fill their empty bellies and to escape abusive adults and cruel behaviour and sexual abuse. 

The Township is a place that thrives on violence and fear. Wendy unfortunately lives in the 'wrong' part of the informal settlement; the wrong side of the road, in an area deemed to be illegal. She had no proper sanitation, running water and no electricity. 

At night the dark is as black as pitch. Chronic boozing, drug taking (the raw kind...Tic and vile substances that corrode your innards) and sexually abhorrent acts are the perpetual pastime of those living in Mbekweni. Over the past few weeks riots and violence had hotted up - we saw piles of burnt rubbish, boulders, glass, trashed walls, debris and tyres where mobs had tried to set fire to the road (we could hardly pass in our car). It was vile.  

Wendy and her boys

Wendy has no supporters and no financial backing.... don't ask me...I don't know how she does this amazing work, but she finds a way. Neighbours break into her home, steal her meagre belongings and slander what she's doing..., but she still carries on. Her cardboard walls have massive gaps in them, the floods wash through her home, the children get sick from the cold...but she still carries on! 

And I'm left harrowed and humbled...yes, so deeply humbled. 

We left her home after an hour or so, heartbroken but in awe of this woman of profound courage. It was impossible not to be deeply impacted by her agonisingly tough situation and the gutsy wisdom that came from her mouth. Against all the odds she is shining a light in the inky darkness of Hell itself. 

We won't return because it will be very unsafe for her to be seen with us again. 

The children and their Subbuteo football game with rocks and one pingpong ball

This afternoon, I read again those word from the bible: 

"Learn to do good; seek justice

Correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless and plead the widow's cause" - Isaiah 1:17

...and with tears I resolved that, come what may I’d make these words my inner compass and driving passion. 

- JB

Tracing the Thread....

It’s our first Sunday back in South Africa after a short break in the UK. I guess Sunday is a good day for confessions. I confess. I own up. It’s true. A year ago I downloaded Kindle on to the ipad and…..well, I’ve used it a lot. Living out of a suitcase for so long forces the issue to be honest.

So what am I reading at the moment? And what is helping me and what isn’t? Steve Miles put me onto Words To Live By (Easwaran) last week and Jane & I have loved the breadth, simplicity and depth of these paragraph-a-day quotes and insights.

“We don’t have to say to Joy, ‘Excuse me, will you please come to my house’…when we seek a higher goal for the welfare of others Joy will come and put her suitcase down and say ‘I am going to be here, whether you like it or not’ “

The Intangibles Of Leadership (Davis) has so far taken me through discussions on Wisdom, Will, Emotional Maturity and next will be Integrity, a subject I have wrestled with deeply over the past few years. I guess what I am doing even as I write about books I am reading is part of the synthesizing and the getting of wisdom.

The Power Of Now (Tolle). Finally, after years of recommendation I have started this book. The fullness of my potential is layered out by years of my ego-self. Tolle had a revelation of his potential that for most of us would take a lifetime, but what it does is give him a clear vision of our potential, what is possible, to call  and steer others to.

Creative Schools (Robinson) We love this guy and we are especially awake to the issues of education with the development of our own schools programme Lead Now.  We started reading this this morning as it was only published this week.  What does he believe in?

-      -  the value of the individual

-      -  the right to self determination

-       - our potential to evolve and live a fulfilled life

-      -  the importance of civic responsibility and respect for others.

So what is the purpose of education?

-       - to enable students to understand the world around them

-      -  to understand the talents within them

-       - to be fulfilled individuals

-       - to be active, compassionate citizens

“To understand the world around them”…what a creative approach to the curriculum and what a healthy frame to present to pupils at the start of each lesson – “hey pupil, this lesson is here to add to your understanding of how the world you are growing up in, works".

 Revolution (Russell Brand). This is a much longer book than we expected, but we are constantly surprised by him in wonderful ways. It remains for us an intelligent, funny and movingly honest journey (Don’t judge this man by what you read in the papers. Please!)

The Locust Effect (Haugen) remains for me the most important book to be published in the past 12 months (Al Gore’s book The Future got my vote the year before).  This has been so challenging to read. So painful at times, we could only read small chunks. But he is writing about where we live and work each day – the lives of the most poor and challenged people. This book has definitely shaped my thinking more than any other about what we do each day in our work and has focused my thinking about the role of violence and security in the world of the poor. It has pushed me back to my old friends Amarta Sen, Tim Jackson and Martha Nussbaum on security being one of the major planks of human flourishing.

Overrated (Cho) “Are we more in love with the idea of making a difference, than actually doing something to make a difference?”  This says it all really, doesn’t it? We keep on coming back to this question for ourselves.  Do we talk a better game than the one we actually play?

Malcolm Guite’s books Word In The Wilderness & The Singing Bowl unexpectedly, via the late Kate Gross and Late Fragments, led us through Lent to actually having coffee with Malcolm in Cambridge exactly two weeks ago. 

The Clapham Sect (Tomkins) has been such an enriching journey. We all know of Wilberforce but not of the 3 generations of amazing philanthropists that surrounded him.  Wilberforce’s commitment to social change over decades of patience just never fails to inspire and challenge me about what is worth fighting for, is worth a life times work.  This book came to me from a talk I heard where a man asked the question ‘how much do you need to actually live on?..…then give away the rest’.  This was exactly how the Clapham Sect lived.

Architects Of Poverty (Mbeki). The late Mbeki’s son challenges the historic roots of poverty in Africa. The extractive drive of the colonials was adopted by the new post colonial African leaders. The Brits filled their pockets from Africa’s riches and now the new leaders are doing the same. You reap what you sow. It’s a more personal perspective on a read two years ago of Why Nations Fail.

Mans Search For Meaning (Frankl). I came back to this book last month because I was reignited to follow through the thought about Frankl’s (who survived Auschwitz) insight that the last human dignity is mans ability to choose what he believes about him/herself. When all is stripped away (as it was for Frankl), we still have our own thoughts, we alone can create meaning. No one can take that from us.

In a previous blog I talked about my reading around the Quakers so I wont go into that again here. There are other books I’ve started and have not yet finished – Pioneering the Possible (Elsworthy), In Gods Hands (Tutu), One Taste (Wilber), A Path Appears (Kristoff), Reconcile (Lederach), Coherence  (Watkins)

So what do I see as I reflect on all of this reading?

- A hunger for new thoughts, new perspectives.  

- People with big hearts and potential to change a bit of the world, matched by their need to grow internally.

 

Reading is feeding, nourishing heart mind soul and spirit.

Reading is a journey following a scent, hints laid down like tracks in a forest, not sure where they are going, but the scent has a life of its own. It calls me. It is like the river flowing, cutting its own course. Reading is participating in a journey that is nourishing, illuminating, enriching and yet unknown. But that’s ok. You can trust each book… it calls you through.

Finishing a book is unimportant. Being nourished, keeping the food fresh and alive, not stale, is what matters. A book is just part of the thread – large or small – that I can complete or return to when I need it and my soul instinctively knows when to go back and recover an old passage, discover a new passage in an old book, or simply reach out and reach forwards through a new book – undeterred by whether that book will help or not. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. Park it. It may return another day when its time is right – or it may not.

What is important is to stay in the river, stay in the flow of the reading, stay inspiring, breathing in fresh air, thinking new thoughts, having new insights, new horizons, new challenges and stretch – or just go back for reminding and refreshing of some old words that need hearing in a new way, or just old words, like comforting old socks, warm, familiar, allowing me to recalibrate before moving on.

 - TW

Something new...!

Jane filming in Mbekweni Township, S.Africa

'Millions of children and young people around the world live in jungles of lawlessness, violence and oppression*. They have to adapt fast, stay invisible and keep themselves safe, any way they can.

How will these children learn today to become the strong, efficient and courageous leaders that their world will need them to be in the future?

Children will learn how to lead their lives from somewhere....the story of their lives will be written, one way or another. 

Some of them will find a way to keep a hold of their life-pen, but most will learn from a young age to give away their pen to those who are stronger than they are, because they know that it is the only way they can survive in their communities.






They will learn that they can’t possibly survive without being subservient to their peers, to the gangs in their neighbourhood and to controlling adults....and this is the road to a loss of dignity, hopes and dreams.



So, who is growing the leaders of tomorrow, today?




We believe that children can and should be learning the skills of leadership, along with their ABC. Even a 5 year old child can learn the basic principles of good leadership.

Using our new LEAD NOW material in a school

The fact is that children thrive under good leadership. They know how it feels to be nurtured by an adult who believes in their awesome potential and who helps them to flourish. 

And they know when that leadership robs them of their joy & happiness....children know. 

If children don’t learn how to lead themselves and their relationship when they are young, they will not be equipped to lead groups, organisation or even a nation when it’s their turn.

It’s as simple as that....

Leadership, and ONLY leadership will get them over the Impossibly High Walls they will face in their lives. 

The bottom line is this....
There is NO sustainable change anywhere without good, strong leadership and it is only leadership that will help people to overcome and break the cycles of Hopelessness anywhere in the world.

Emerging Leaders wants to see Leadership training in every school and that’s why we have been developing a programme called LEAD NOW, for 8-13 year olds. 

It is a programme that helps children to realise that they can lead themselves and their relations...TODAY...right now”

 - JB


Note: You have just read the script used for the new promo-vimeo for NEW NOW

 *850 million people live in poverty in the world today. 600 million have no clean water and half the whole world population of 7 billion survive each day on $2.5 a day (the price of a Costa coffee).

Dolce far Niente

Let’s Celebrate

...What am I celebrating?

We’ve spent the past 10 days in the idyllic setting of Jacobs Bay, a shimmy-distance from Paternoster, the famous getaway, beach-haunt for Cape Town dwellers. Here we’ve continued to work from our delightful B&B, but also made the most of walking the isolated beaches for hours each day and using the space to think new thoughts and map out what the next stage of our time could look like.

Jacobs Bay, west coast of S.Africa 

Making space to climb into a different hemisphere in my head is something I’m learning to value more and more. Our brains get so easily locked into one way of thinking and then they crown those thoughts as truth. If you need to feel the fresh energy of creative thinking then the beach certainly seems to have an almost magic effect on brain chemistry (If you’re interested in learning about the brain and how it’s effected by water & the oceans especially, then read BLUE MIND by Wallace Nichols, about the remarkable link between these two vast, unfathomed, unchartered mysteries).

When we step out of the familiar,  away from the mundane and the known…into a different, unfamiliar space, the brain can allow itself to explore fresh thoughts and free up fixed ways of thinking….it’s truly remarkable

And we’ve noticed that the South Africans really get the need to switch off and make time to play. And WOW…that’s certainly something I need to get better at.

Walking for miles, for no reason, without your phone, without a reason and without trying to sort a problem or save the world….just walking…just allowing yourself to feel the sand between your toes, just for the sheer joy of it….that is when you feel yourself entering a new zone, a new sense of BEING.

And that’s worth celebrating…CELEBRATING LIFE…the beauty of just being. Celebrating the beauty and the joy of doing nothing, BEING in the moment and savouring the bliss and the pure pleasure of life.

The Italians have a wonderful phrase that some of you will remember from the EAT, PRAY, LOVE film. In it the exasperated Italian guy tells Julia Roberts,

“Why do you Americans need permission to enjoy yourselves, to enjoy Dolce far Niente – to enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing?”.

So we’re making time to celebrate THE SWEETNESS OF DOING NOTHING and allowing life to teach us about the things we are missing in our haste…. the things we are not noticing, the things that need to change in our lives and the blinding beauty of the world around us; the stuff right under our noses.

    JB

...a beach angel

….and I also want to celebrate Mother’s Day today...

I celebrate the life of my mum and honour her for all she gave to me, to shape me into who I am today.