Hardwired for Compassion

Yesterday, whilst enjoying a dreamy half hour in the most delicious bookshop in a Cotswold town, I came across of book entitled 

The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert (...wow, heavy stuff, I hear you say). 

But on the back sleeve I read these words...'Develop your feelings of Compassion and increase your sense of well-being'. Gilbert says that our brains are actually hardwired to respond to kindness and compassion but that our society has encouraged us to compete with each other so much that we have begun to see compassion as weakness; we've stopped training ourselves in compassion. To my amazement I read that 'developing kindness and compassion for ourselves and others builds our confidence, helps us create meaningful, caring relationships and promotes physical and mental health...it even builds resilience and keeps us from depression and anxiety'.

This morning I've been mulling on what Compassion means,... like, in plain english. How would you describe Compassion in a sentence? What does it mean to be a compassionate person? I thought immediately of the bible story about the Good Samaritan. How the chap in the story actually allowed himself to be shocked by what he saw lying by the side of the road that day, and how he'd actually stopped his horse, got his hands bloody, manhandled the unpleasant-looking, mugged stranger onto his mode of transport, and gone out of his way to get him to A&E. And I thought to myself, what was the hardest bit of all for Samaritan-man? What do you think? Was it that he didn't have latex gloves to hand, or that he'd miss his tennis match by not going straight home...or was it that he was basically scared shitless that he'd put himself in danger or would get too emotionally involved?

I don't have the answer and maybe I should hold fire trying to sound wise 'til I've read the book. But hey, here's my thoughts for what they are worth. I think Compassion, in essence, is about 'standing with' another person and allowing their hardship, pain and struggle to impact you; allowing yourself to feel their helplessness and fear even though you can't be the fixer. Standing with them, being there, being alongside them and walking awhile with them while you search your heart to see if you can do something for this fellow human being. And in standing with them you are telling them the most important thing of all, 'You are not alone'. 

I wondered where we learn to become compassionate (how about putting it on the school curriculum!?), and how do we keep ourselves in the practice of doing it, because in essence that's what it's all about. WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO PRACTICE COMPASSION, SO IT CAN STICK and becomes a part of who we are, otherwise we will not train our brains to seek out ways to actively grow a Compassionate mind; literally laying down compassionate neural pathways, according to PG.

The Jambo Toto children, standing on the new plot of rented land, where their little classrooms will be built.

So, enough of all that - what's this blog all about? Just this....my heart was filled with Compassion when I saw the children and their mum's confined to almost a life sentence of oppression and misery in the stone Quarry on the outskirts of Nairobi. It was hard to witness the grim reality of their lives; it hurt. 

I see compassion as the only way we can bring change to the lives of the hundreds who work there; compassion that brings about action. I could not walk by... and yet I feel very alone in this quest to raise £3,500 to help Charles and Rose build a small 3 class-roomed building, for the children and the mothers.

So we have organised a Fundraising evening on the 5th March, out in a sweet village near Banbury, organised by dear friend Jane Meyler. For many of you it's not going to be ideal to come .... in fact no date or time will be ideal for any of us. The call to compassion never comes at a convenient time, there will ALWAYS be voices calling to us. Calling us to 'get home', 'play tennis', 'stay warm' and 'leave it to another passer by'. 

The tin shack where they have nursery care from Rose.

But, dear friends, I feel sure if you had been there, it would be you writing this letter and urging your friend and family to practice compassion, get involved, feel the pain and let the act of being a part of this project grow you in ways you never imagined.

.....So, come and join us, if you can. 

Stand with us, so we can stand with Charles&Rose at Jambo Toto, so they can stand with the mothers of the quarry and they can have a chance to offer their children a life without shame.

Our fundraising Evening event: 

Rose&Charles care for over 100 children from the quarry.

Wednesday 5th March, 6.30-8.30

@ Sibford Village Hall

Sibford Gower

Nr Banbury

OX15 5RW

or

Go to "Donate" at www.emerging-leaders.net   Quote "Quarry project"

- JB

'Living on borrowed time' - Peggy's Story

Cley-next-the-Sea

“I’m living on borrowed time”. She must have said it three times in the space of a few brief conversations. Peggy is 81 years old and we met her at Cley Windmill in Norfolk. Peggy was staying in the room at the very top of the Windmill and the only way you can reach those rooms is up flights of open wooden ladders that are as steep as you can imagine, with a trap door that needs lowering at night so you don’t fall down if you sleep walk!
“I love fast cars” she said. “I want an Audi TT next. I did hot air ballooning last month” she continued.
Jane ventured to ask, “So, what are you going to try next?”
Without missing a beat she said, “Go kart racing”

Peggy is truly living on borrowed time. She has a full blood transfusion every month to keep her alive. For the first week she feels awful. For the second week she feels wonderful….and then its downhill again until her next transfusion. She is living life to the full in between. And, oh yes, Peggy has a toy boy! True. Her words not mine.





Dawna Markova says in her life affirming poem “I will not die an unlived life, I will not live in fear of……..” (Fill in your own gap). So, in the spirit of Peggy, we are going back to Africa, for a year. To continue what I started 8 years ago and to continue to ensure a legacy that outlives us, which we began last autumn.

Cley isn’t just famous for its Windmill. The North Sea went on the rampage again around Christmas time with a massive tidal surge. We are walking around the devastation. Houses swamped, sea wall broken, whole beaches rearranged upside down from how they looked when we saw them last summer, boats sitting on top of sea walls or in fields or just in pieces. Life is full of the unexpected, the unplanned for. Fragility.







Nasim Taleb said in his important book that the opposite of fragility is not resilience. Peggy isn’t just resilient. The opposite of fragility is….anti-fragility; the ability to take the mess and the blows and the pains and the confusions and use them to
grow into someone bigger than we were before.

What are we doing in Africa? We are making our own small, attempt to build ‘anti-fragile’ lives and anti-fragile communities. It is, as it always was, an adventure. We are in the process of sorting out arrangements in the UK and Kenya and South Africa and are heading out around 20th March. We aren’t in Peggy’s position but we do feel the challenge of the ‘borrowed time’ of the years passing by and we are just enjoying our version of rooms at the top of Windmills (daring), Audi TT’s (exhilarating), hot air ballooning (perspective on life) and GoKarting (a crazy whirl wind of a ride).

We would love you to come with us on the next chapter of our story...

- TW